


I should have told him earlier

by Zula_blue



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Dies, Battle, Hurt Alec Lightwood, I Love You, It's too late, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-01 04:19:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zula_blue/pseuds/Zula_blue
Summary: Malec post-break up. A battle goes wrong and there is not enough timeMajor character death





	1. Chapter 1

Five weeks ago, Magnus walked away from the best thing that happened to him for at least a hundred years. He felt betrayed and he didn’t handle well lies.

Five weeks ago, he walked away from the love of his life, _his Alexander._ If he closed his eyes he could picture the dumbstruck, hurt and extremely sad look in Alec’s eyes. He saw him break and he still walked away.

He was used to people leaving and disappointing him, but he wouldn’t let it happen again. This time he would leave first. He would suffer a little heartache now, and avoid a full-on heartbreak later.

He was wrong, he felt completely heartbroken and empty, he missed Alec like crazy and he loves him too much to be apart.

 

Everything became harder the next time they were in the same room, during the downworld meeting with Alexander. The Queen decided to attend and Magnus avoided any interaction with his shadowhunter even though he wanted to hug him and kiss him and never let go.

And of course, things got even worse, because the Queen was allies with Valentine, hence Magnus and the warlocks were too. When Alec confronted (or rather try to inform him about it) he acted like he was aware of it beforehand and he was ok with it.

 

A week ago, they finally killed Valentine (thank Jace and Clary). They were in a bar celebrating it was nice seeing shadowhunters, werewolves, vampires, warlocks and even a couple of seelies united.

Magnus was exhausted, he had spent most of his magic closing those demons’ entrance from Edom and portalling back and forth from many places.

 

He could feel Alexander’s eyes on him and his heart was conflicted. On one hand Valentine was out of the picture and he no longer needed to choose between his lover and his people, but on the other he didn’t want to jump back to where they left things. His heart was at risk like never before, the last weeks apart were unbearable and he was certain he couldn’t lose him again. This time it felt different, more real, truer, purer and it was terrifying…. because there was more to lose.

Magnus was lost in his thoughts and he didn’t noticed Alec approaching until he was in front of him.

 

“Can we talk?” was the phrase Magnus wanted to hear but also wanted to avoid because everything could go either way. He was conflicted and confused and when Alexander said, “I don’t think I can live without you” his heart jumped but he didn’t say a thing, his expression blank. That lead to Alec rambling.

 

“Magnus, I am so sorry and I will say it again and again. I am sorry, I am sorry I lied to you and I only wanted to… I didn’t want you to make you choose between the warlock and me and I am sorry I took the decision from you…Magnus I love you so much and it hurts me that I hurt you, it wasn’t my intention. I love you and…I can’t...this past weeks I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything… I miss you all the time, I miss seeing you every day, that you are the first person I see every morning and the last one I see every night. I love you so much, you came into my life and put my world upside down, you allowed me to be myself”- Alec’s eyes filled with tears that started rolling down his cheeks, feeling less and less hopeful as Magnus didn’t react, didn’t move and didn’t say anything- “I love everything about you, I love how you flirt with me, your silly jokes, all your pet names, I love when we hug and I feel so lucky because you are amazing Magnus, you are the most beautiful, passionate, humble, gentle, compassionate, and lovable man I know…I love you, I am in love with you and I want to be with you. I promise I won't hide anything from you again…please?”

It seemed like Alec had said a lot but he was talking fast trying to put all his feelings out so Magnus would take him back and Magnus just stood there…

Several minutes passed and Alec felt pathetic, he ruined everything, Magnus was not going to take him back and he was ashamed and broken and all over again but this time was worse because it felt definite. He had said and done everything and it was not enough, he was never enough. All his insecurities invaded him, he felt unworthy of Magnus forgiveness and love and it was all his fault, he disappointed and lied to the person that mattered the most. He took a deep breath, turned around and run away.

 

Magnus just stood there he didn’t know what to do his heart told him to hug Alec, to take them both out of the pain, to tell him how much he loves him and take him home. His brain and his insecurities told him to take time to think what he should do without facing live threatening situations, take time because his next action was key. He heard Alexander and he couldn’t move so he just stayed there and saw the love of his life break (again) and run away. He knew he should have stopped him or at least go after him but he couldn’t move and he just stood there.

 

 Magnus planned to seek Alexander soon, but minutes turned into hours and hours into days and a week had passed and he was still unsure. He always falls in love too fast and too deep and he was scared.


	2. Chapter 2

The mission had gone terribly wrong, their information had been inaccurate and Jace, Izzy and Alec were outnumbered by demons in that old warehouse. It had been a tough fight and the 3 shadowhunters were fighting the last demons with all they had. It was almost over, they were in bad shape but nothing to worry about (they had had worse). But that’s went Alec saw it, two demons that had been hiding were ready to jump Izzy who was fighting the demon in front of her. Jace was too far away and Alec’s blade fell away with the last demon so he was unarmed but he would always protect his baby sister. Everything went downhill after that.

 

Alec was badly hurt, he was on the floor and there was blood everywhere. He managed to take those demons out but he got some bad cuts, he was certain he had broken ribs, probably punctured lung, his right foot was turned in the wrong direction, a broken collar bone, a contusion because he felt dizzy and internal bleeding, plus the venom of the demons he could already feel moving through his veins. His siblings where by his side as soon and possible. Jace tried with healing runes but they weren’t working, Alec started coughing blood and he knew it was over, there was nothing left to do, no runes or magic would save him. He didn’t want to die but at the same time it kind of make him feel better that it was him and not Izzy or Jace. His job was to protect them and they were safe.

He saw Izzy crying and Jace was desperate too.

“It’s alright, everything is going to be fine” Alec tried to calm them, they were strong they would move forward.

“Alec keep your strength we are going to get help and you are going to be alright…Please Alec you can't leave me” Izzy was heartbroken, she had knowledge about biology and medicine but it was like she couldn’t process what was happening, couldn’t be in a world without Alec and wouldn’t accept the situation. She called Catarina she didn’t know the warlock that much but she knew she specialized in healing magic.

“Alec, please don’t leave me, you are my brother, my parabatai…please” Jace was sobbing now applying more healing runes that disappeared without any effect.

“You are going to be fine…”

“it’s my fault I should have seen the demons…I'm so sorry Alec”

“No, don’t blame yourself. It’s no one’s fault…do you…could you call Magnus?” Alec hated how fragile his voice was, but he wanted to see Magnus at least one last time.

Then a portal opened and Catarina stepped in.

 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Magnus was at home with a bottle of wine, Chairman in his lap and Netflix, when his phone rang. He picked up without looking the ID.

“Mag-Magnus” Izzy’s voice sounded weird like she was crying and that was bad because she never cried. The next words just made his body freeze “It’s Alec”

“Where are you? What happened?”

Not 2 minutes went by and Magnus was stepping through a portal and he was not prepared to the view. His alexander was on the floor, pained expression and blood everywhere. It took him a moment to realize Catarina, Izzy and Jace were also there and it took him another moment to realize the sadness and acceptance in their expression and the magic Catarina was pouring was comforting, but not healing.

“Why aren't you doing anything?” he shouted and Alec noticed his presence.

 

“Magnus… you came” he sounded so fragile but at the same time surprised and happy, like he really didn’t expect Magnus to show up. Magnus knelt beside his love and pulsed his magic into him, trying and failing to pull the venom out but it was too late.

“Of course, I came angel, I will always come. I love you” His voice was shaky and tears were running down his cheeks. The rest give them some space but did not leave the room.

“No, you don’t have to say that… you don’t have to say that just because I said it. I know I ruined things between us” Alec was looking at him with such love, his hazel eyes a true window to his soul an innocent, brave and beautiful soul. There was blood in his mouth and a painful bruise on one side and Magnus hated himself for letting Alec think he didn’t love him.

“I love you Alexander, I love you so much that it scared me, but listen to me, you can never doubt my feelings for you” Alec coughed more blood and he looked paler by the second, it was live leaving him “Please don’t die on me, you can't leave me Alexander not like this, you are my true love, you are everything for me… ”

“I – lo-love yo-u Magnus” Alec was having trouble breathing, he didn’t have much time.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you” Magnus could only keep repeating that, whispering it into Alec’s ear.

Izzy and Jace came closer and took Alec’s hand.

“I love you big bro”

“I love you so much Alec, thanks for being my brother and best friend” Jace could feel the parabatai breaking, he could feel a part of himself dying too.

“I love you both, tell  -tell Max I love him too, be good and protect each other, don’t get in too much trouble. I love y-you”

“Alexander, I am sorry, I am sorry I broke up with you and I'm sorry I didn’t say anything last week. I love you” Magnus tears didn’t let him see and then he felt Alec tender touch in his cheek.

“I love you Magnus, more than I ever think it was possible…I love you and..”

“Alexander you are everything to me, you are my true love and I won't ever love..” Alec put a finger in his lips.

“Kiss me?” Alec knew he looked terrible but it’s been so long he had last kissed Magnus and he just wanted to feel it again.

“Always” the kiss was soft and charged with feelings, they both tried to put everything on that kiss.

They broke apart and after one last lazy smile _Alexander Guideon Lightwood_ died.

 

The room was a chorus of “ _no no no no no”_ shouting, sobbing and tears.

 

They used a portal to take Alec’s body to the institute. Clary and Simon were with the Lightwood siblings for their support and Magnus went straight to Alec’s bedroom with Catarina following close behind.

He took one of Alec’s favorite sweaters and curled in his bed and cried. Catarina was next to him in a moment playing with his hair trying to soothe him.

“I should have told him earlier, last week or even a month ago. I should have told him earlier that I loved him”

“He knew honey, I think he knew”

“He didn’t know. I should have told him earlier”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the sad story. 
> 
> The last part was based on Grey's Anatomy (when Lexi dies and Mark regrets not telling her he loves her), I was watching that episode and I had to write something like that.


End file.
